Search me, God, and know my heart; test me and know my anxious thoughts. Psalm 139:23
Yesterday we looked at praying dangerous and bold prayers. In Psalm 139, David asks God to look at four specific areas in his life. The first area was his heart. Second, David prays that God would reveal his fears, his anxious thoughts.
What is it that makes you anxious? “Know my anxious thoughts.” A lot of times, we don’t even acknowledge them. We just think, “Well, everybody has to worry about this.” What is that makes you afraid? I’m not talking about snakes and spiders, but what is it that internally makes you afraid? What is that makes you anxious? Afraid of losing your job? Afraid of being alone in life? Afraid of being stuck in the marriage that you’re in and it not getting any better? Afraid of the future, the unknown? Afraid of failing? Afraid of loss? What if I lose somebody? What if I lose something that I value so dearly?
I would argue that what we fear the most reveals where we trust God the least. Think about that. If I’m scared to death that my marriage isn’t going to work, I’m not trusting God with my marriage. If I’m afraid that I’m not going to be able to pay the bills, I’m not trusting God to be my provider. If I’m afraid that … I got to keep my children safe. I’m not trusting my children to God. What you fear the most reveals where you trust God the least.
In my own time of praying this, “God, test me. Know my anxious thoughts,” this comes to mind, and so I’m quoting this scripture to renew my mind.
There is no fear in love; but perfect love casts out fear, because fear involves punishment, and the one who fears is not perfected in love. 1 John 4:18
God has not given me a spirit of fear, but of power, and of love, and of a sound mind.
When you pray this, God will reveal things about yourself that you may not have been willing to acknowledge for years because the most common lie we tell is often to ourselves. Open up to Him today and ask Him, “Search my heart, God. Reveal my fears.”